Starting nursery – a parent’s reflection

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Taking your little one to nursery is a huge step. It often signifies the end of maternity leave and will be the place where your child will spend a lot of time.

I dropped my baby to his nursery intro’ session yesterday and as I drove away I felt content. I was prepared for the surge of emotions I was told that I would feel, but this didn’t come. I was also prepared for tears but instead, I was happy.

In the back of my mind there was the voice that whispered ‘what if he doesn’t like it?’ and ‘what if he doesn’t make any friends?’ but I didn’t listen and remained positive.

This lack of sadness isn’t because I was relieved I didn’t have to look after him for two hours – honestly, I do enjoy it as hard as it can be sometimes! But it was because I felt in control of the situation.

I had chosen the nursery based on how I felt when I went in. The children were happy as were the workers. The baby room was set out beautifully and there was always an activity they could get stuck into, as well as plenty of play and themed story times. There was also a sensory room for the babies to relax in if they get overwhelmed at any point and a relaxing nap space.

Bertie’s specific carer was lovely and spent time going through what his normal routine would be and answering my questions regarding meals, naps, and everything else.

I know the nursery will work to the latest guidance and is completely baby-proofed. So Bertie will have a full day of fun, plus 3 healthy meals, and plenty of love and care.

So I wasn’t sad because I knew he would love it and in time, eventually he will be asking to go to nursery!

It also gives me an opportunity to grow my career and earn an income for my family. Yes, childcare is expensive but I really do believe the benefits outweigh the cost cons. It also means that when he does see family, it’s a nice change rather than having to rely on them for childcare.

Some questions I asked when viewing nurseries are listed below:

⁃ Do the children have free access to water and drinks?

⁃ Are nappies, wipes and formula provided?

⁃ Do you need to provide bedding for nap times?

⁃ What safeguarding is in place for pickups?

⁃ Do we get notification of what activities the babies have been up to throughout the day?

⁃ What is a normal menu?

⁃ Are there any parents evenings or catch-ups with your child’s carer?

⁃ What outdoor activities are available?

The flaws of social media

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The content of this post is original to me, but undoubtedly you will have seen these reasons listed before. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently and have hit ‘refresh’.

For a very long time, I have come to realise that I was entirely too obsessed with social media. Particularly a certain photo sharing app. Whenever I would open my phone I’d immediately open Insta’ as habit. Then I would mindlessly scroll through the best bits of other people’s lives and subconsciously compare them to me.

Often I was doing this when I was feeling tired or lonely – so the other lives I was being shown would seem perfect, yet unattainable.

But recently I had a epiphany. Which is highly simple but to me it was a revelation.

If I just didn’t use the app then I wouldn’t be comparing myself to these influencers and other lives that I’m not living.

So I’ve deleted the apps. It’s currently been 48 hours social media free (not long I know but for me it’s a record!) and my brain feels a lot lighter. I’m focusing on the tasks at hand, having fun with my baby and reading, chatting or watching television with my other half in the evenings.

This morning, I’ve done cleaning, laundry, gardening and I’ve also picked some fresh flowers from the garden to display in the house. Before I would have just scrolled through TikTok!

A new start: designing the Mum that I want to be

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I’ve been absent from my blog for a while now. After giving birth in November, motherhood hit me and I just have not got a chance to sit down and put my feelings into words. But here I am. I’ve found a little time and I’m attempting to put my creative hat on.

Motherhood – quite honestly the hardest, most stressful but most rewarding ‘job’ I’ve ever had. It’s like two full time jobs thrown together that you never get a break from. Not until your hormones have stopped making you feel guilty every time you leave your baby with a family member or even their dad. Until those crazy hormones subside, you just don’t switch off.

Now my boy is 6 months old, I’m making an effort to find ‘me’ again. Old Abii has gone and I couldn’t imagine myself not being a Mum, but I now get to create new Abii – a healthy balance of ‘Mummy’ and me.

Everyday now, I’m making the effort to do something that makes me feel more glamorous than just throwing on leggings, a baggy t shirt and hair into a bun. I’ve bought some new dresses and have decided to wear them, not just save them for date night or lunch out. I’ve started painting my own nails (I miss being able to have my gel nails – but maternity money means it’s a no no) and also putting on a little makeup. It’s amazing how much of a difference this makes to me mentally.

I’ve also said to myself to start thinking like the woman I want to be in a years time. As in, start creating mental habits that will stick for when my body catches up!

I make the effort to exercise everyday, ideally outside with Bertie and the dog. I drink a bottle of water everyday. I incorporate fruits and veggies into every meal we eat. I’ve cut down on naughty treats and chocolate/ice cream.

I’ve also started working towards my dream career by freelancing for a marketing company – investing time into my own skills so I can afford a comfortable lifestyle for our family.

Doing all of this is hard. It’s a lot harder than just grabbing a chocolate bar and just letting the dog walk herself around the pony paddock – which I unfortunately spent a few too many months doing.

What I’ve learnt is that to accomplish everything above, effective time management is key. In motherhood, your whole day revolves around feed times and wake windows so not over planning your day to start with helps with the load. I try not to book us any back to back activities as I know I just feel knackered afterwards. Something that wouldn’t have bothered me before.

So with my new healthy outlook and the start of my new lifestyle habits – this Homebird is going to be using her blog space to stay accountable.

Connect with me and let me know your thoughts – mamas I would love your help with my journey!

Motherhood: the first 4 weeks

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Having a baby means having your brain constantly switched on to entertain and meet the needs of someone which is largely a guessing game of trying to understand their wordless cues.

Having a baby is working out how to physically recover from birth/pregnancy and learning to accept your new postpartum body, all whilst trying to feel like ‘normal’ even though your world has completely changed – even if your partner and friends carry on with their own version of ‘normal’. It’s also learning how to deal with the loss of your independence if you are unable to drive or move around freely.

Having a baby is feeling guilty for your priorities completely changing to centre entirely around your baby, but then feeling overwhelmed and like you aren’t doing a good enough job for that baby.

Having a baby is working out how to deal with the anxiety you get every time you make plans or if those plans change out of your control. Learning what to pack to go out, the timings of getting baby washed, changed, fed, burped and then also getting yourself ready to leave on time between all of this.

Having a baby is choosing the right time to comment and the right time to bite your tongue every time someone you love comments on your parenting style, gives unwanted advice, oversteps your boundaries, gives you no privacy or thinks they know what is best for YOUR baby.

Having a baby is learning to think about all of the things you’ve never had to before – nursery tours, child benefit, bank accounts for little ones, doctor registration, sensory classes, swimming lessons, learning when half terms are, school catchment areas, safe play zones, baby proofing, the list goes on.

Having a baby is trying not to stress over your lack of income during maternity leave, or the costs of childcare for when you do end up going back to work. Or figuring out whether working is actually beneficial due to childcare costs and then navigating decisions such as deciding to be a full time ‘stay at home’ Mum.

Having a baby is doing the equivalent of a full time job, plus extra overtime at all hours of the day and night, often alone with no other adults present, and still needing to keep the house clean, dinners made and clothes clean.

Having a baby is constantly trying to work out if your mental health is at the point where you need professional intervention or if you’re just tired and overstimulated.

And finally, for me, having a baby is the most challenging but also the most amazing thing I’ve ever done. I’ve got my own little best friend who I can love unconditionally and navigate the world with, all whilst we both grow and develop together. But it’s hard, really hard. And as much as you sometimes want help from people, sometimes your brain just wants you to be on your own with your baby. And working out how to listen to your instincts is often a lot harder than we are led to believe during pregnancy.